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Condolence From: Maryann
Condolence: I was looking up ok’d friends from the past and found this shocking sad news. Way after the fact. I played the piano for Tommy all through his Senior year at St John’s and absolutely adored him. I am so sad now reading of this great loss. The world was a better place with him creating art, dancing, singing, and just being Tommy.
Monday November 30, 2020
Condolence From: Lisa Kerbis
Condolence: I first met Tommy in the late ‘70s or early 80s when he and John Cotner, a friend of mine from high school, and Tommy’s from The Cooper Union, each had an apartment in the same building on Pacific Street in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn. They were the artists who moved into the barrio; the vanguard of gentrification. Their apartments had one sink, the tub in the kitchen and the commode down the hall. The building next door had been razed, and eventually they and other neighbors cleaned enough debris out of it to make a garden. Tommy and I formed a friendship on our own, in addition to one though John.

I remember with great joy the many evenings I spent at Tommy and Charlie’s. A St. Patrick’s Day dinner that Tommy cooked for Nora downstairs, “because I think it will be her last one in her own home,” which it was, and with Tommy step dancing for us in a kilt. Christmas Parties, either at Tommy or Charlies, were the highlight until my last year there. The last summer, Tommy and their cousin Susan and I would go to the beach on a Friday. Tommy would pack a wicker basket with tuna salad sandwiches wrapped in wax paper, because, you know, he’s Tommy. Cloth napkins too, because Tommy. In the evening, Susan, her boyfriend, Charlie, Tommy and I would have a barbeque by candlelight in “the Cottage” – the old brick garage they had tricked out to resemble it’s namesake. It had curtains on the windows, proper china and cutlery, everything you needed save running water. For all I knew, Tommy went and cleaned the windows every Thursday night. Because Tommy. I would try and help Tommy in the garden while we waited for everyone to arrive, but usually just sat by the side and listened to him explain what he was doing and why. You know the kind of happiness you feel as a child, which, as you near puberty you think “I’ll never be this happy again” which is true until you fall in love? Well, those Fridays with that group were the last time I had it, and I’ve fallen in love since then.

Others here have mentioned Tommy’s gift for mimicry. If he were here now, that previous paragraph would have him saying my name twice, because that’s the exact type of stream of consciousness speech of mine he would imitate, or listen to and then say my name twice. Because me, him, us.

After packing up my apartment of 16 years, my sister, the U-Haul truck, and I spent my final night in New York at Tommy and Charlie’s. In the morning, we watched Princess Diana’s funeral and drank coffee until my sister and I hit the road.

Two or three years after I moved back to Chicago, Tommy came out to visit me and John. I picked him up at the airport, and we drove straight to Racine, Wisconsin, about two hours away, where I had made reservations for us to see the Johnson Wax Building designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. At that time, if there were no conferences taking place, you could also drop by the vacation home, Wingspread, that FLW had designed for the Johnson family outside of town and freely walk around, unaccompanied, as long as you didn’t open any closed doors. After looking at the garden, Tommy and I went in and opened many doors. We were in the little sitting room over the carport when we decided to rearrange the furniture for better photographs. Because Tommy (and me, a little, here.) Don’t blame us that you now need an official tour guide at Wingspread, because we did put it back as it had been, even though our layout was an improvement.

In my life, there are the friends that you call, the friends that call each other, and the friends that call you. Usually, I was the friend that called Tommy – though I fondly recall the time he left a birthday message on my answering machine, singing “Happy Birthday” as Marilyn Monroe. (I don’t suppose I was an isolated recipient of this gift). We didn’t talk frequently, but when we did we would talk until we couldn’t hold the phone any longer. Time and distance had not estranged us, we just picked up and filled in blanks. I was thinking about calling Tommy this weekend, as I just lost the Anna Szelwach equivalent of my life – my friend since I was 9 years old - and I wanted to cry to him and have him tell me how you get through it. But I woke up to find out that he predeceased her by two weeks, and I am doubly distraught.

I am going to try and think of Tommy in his garden, walking Fergus, or bickering with the brother that he loved so much. Or maybe I am going to imagine I am sitting in his kitchen as he cooks, or perhaps I’ll listen to the Judy Garland CD he gave me because my love will not alter even if he's gone away.
Saturday May 05, 2018
Condolence From: Irene
Condolence: I expected to go to Robert Moses beach again with Tommy this summer and didn’t know until a few weeks ago how sick he really was. We met in high school, 1974, and he was wearing two-tone stacked shoes and had an Afro. He was starring in Fiddler on the Roof.

We spent the next years laughing so hard, whatever we did, just for the love of living. Tommy taught me many things, one being that you didn’t need money to create beauty - a flower in a vase, a shell. Sounds corny but all true.

We had a great convsation before Tommy died and he recited the final scenes of Dark Victory (in the Bette Davis voice). We laughed so hard, even though he knew he was dying. I think that was another gift from Tommy. I will hold him in my heart always.
Sunday April 22, 2018
Condolence From: Curt Reesor
Condolence: I feel an incredible sense of shock and loss to hear of Tommy’s passing. Although our paths moved apart, he was (and is) an important part of my life story, and I will always remember him fondly. I’ll remember him from Malcolm & Hayes, when he displayed his comic genus with impersonations of Howard, Lillian, Beth, Judy, Mary, Terri, Luda, Lazlo and myself. We all laughed so hard and so often that we could barley get our work done. I’ll remember him from our adventures skydiving, when we spent every summer weekend for a year trying to master the art of free-falling from an airplane, 2,000 feet above the New Jersey countryside. I’ll remember him from our other outdoor adventures -- like when we spend a month exploring the west coast of Canada, including the two-week backpacking trip into the backcountry of the British Columbia Coast Range. Or another summer, when he joined me to climb Black Peak, a challenging rock-climb of a mountain in Washington State’s remote North Cascades. I’ll also remember that he was my Best Man, when I married by wife, Erika. Tommy was family, and I’m so sad to now realize that we drifted apart for so long -- always thinking there would be an opportunity to get together catch up.
--Curt
Saturday April 21, 2018
Condolence From: David Knight
Condolence: dearer. not feared, dearer!
Friday April 20, 2018
Condolence From: David Knight
Condolence: I am so heartbroken. Tommy and I were such close friends at Cooper and for years after. but we lost touch, and it is a regret I will carry forever. I had always hoped to see him again; hear his laugh, see the mischief in his eyes, admire the effortless, profound grace his hand could express through a pen.
That hope is now lost; unretrievable.
I hold your memory that much feared, Tom. I will miss you always.
Friday April 20, 2018
Condolence From: Eve Griffin
Condolence: Good God! I can't imagine a world without Thomas. How often does a personality like that come around? Like Judy Garland: once a century. Such a talent; such a wit; such a heart! I'll never be able to watch another Bette Davis movie without crying now. He is still such a bright star in my firmament. Charlie and family, I'm sending all the love I can.
Monday April 16, 2018
Condolence From: Tom Caska
Condolence: It recently learned of Tommy’s passing. He was a joy to have known. Always a good soul with a gentle heart. We met while working at Malcolm & Hayes back in the early 80’s and stayed in touch especially when Coyle & Co moved into the building I was in on the west side 8th Ave and 36th Street. I loved his laugh and tried to make him laugh as often as I could. I will miss him as I am sure everyone will. My sincere condolences for his loss. Rest well my friend. Tom Caska.
Monday April 16, 2018